England (and Scotland) Swing
En-ga-land swings
Like a pendulum do
Bobbies on bicycles two-by-two
Westminster Abbey
The Tower of Big Ben
The rosy red cheeks
Of the little children
That is a famous song from back when I was your age. And it gave me my first lessons about England and its capital city of London. In this picture Big Ben is the clock tower on the right. Westminster Abbey is peeking out from behind Ben and the immense House of Parliament. There aren’t any bobbies, bicycles, or rosy cheeked children here though. The people there speak a type of English that is quite different from ours. Some of the people have a very strange accent—some of them sound like tissues are stuffe
d up their noses. And they use different words than we do for the same things. For instance, bobbies are policemen. So confusing. The roads in London go every which way. And not only that, they drive on the wrong side of the road.So even though I love almost all things from England (and her sister countries of Scotland, Ireland, and Wales), it took me a long time to visit—I was waiting for them to wise up and drive on the right side of the road and speak so that I could understand things better.
But my friend Liz Windsor, the current Queen of England, was always telling me to come visit and inviting me to stay at her house. So I finally went. Here I am with her, her mom and some of her family members. (The ladies really like hats.)
Now Liz lives in a palace, an honest-to-goodness palace (actually she has a bunch of them all over her kingdom). She has dogs all over the place. I don’t know that she liked dogs all that much or if she just couldn’t put up with her husband Phil and all her crazy kids. But I got tired of the whole rigmarole of palace life and intrigue and soon said, “cheerio,” (cheerio means good bye; it is not a cereal) and went on my way.
The kids in London were a curious bunch in those days. They
certainly didn’t all dress like this, but they didn’t look or sound like much like Americans. Please, please, please, don’t ever show up at my door looking like this.
Ah, London, it was very exciting. I really thought I was going to get killed every time I crossed the street. I never could get used to which way the traffic was coming from. So I would look both ways a couple of times then rush out. Usually a crazy, speeding cab would just miss me.
So I used the subway—which they call The Tube or Underground—a lot. That was much easier.
But my friend Liz Windsor, the current Queen of England, was always telling me to come visit and inviting me to stay at her house. So I finally went. Here I am with her, her mom and some of her family members. (The ladies really like hats.)Now Liz lives in a palace, an honest-to-goodness palace (actually she has a bunch of them all over her kingdom). She has dogs all over the place. I don’t know that she liked dogs all that much or if she just couldn’t put up with her husband Phil and all her crazy kids. But I got tired of the whole rigmarole of palace life and intrigue and soon said, “cheerio,” (cheerio means good bye; it is not a cereal) and went on my way.
The kids in London were a curious bunch in those days. They
certainly didn’t all dress like this, but they didn’t look or sound like much like Americans. Please, please, please, don’t ever show up at my door looking like this.Ah, London, it was very exciting. I really thought I was going to get killed every time I crossed the street. I never could get used to which way the traffic was coming from. So I would look both ways a couple of times then rush out. Usually a crazy, speeding cab would just miss me.
So I used the subway—which they call The Tube or Underground—a lot. That was much easier.
Loudspeaker announcements and signs were constantly warning us to be careful of “the gap” or the distance between the train car and the platform. I thought they should be warning everyone about the kamikaze cab drivers up on the street. 
It was fun to be in busy city. I must say that everything they say about the weather over there is true.
Don’t fret if you don’t take your sunscreen. But you might want to take your macintosh—oops, I mean your raincoat.
I n the middle of London is Trafalgar Square. This refers to a famous naval battle of 1805
where the British defeated Napoleon’s navy. The tall column in the center is dedicated to the victorious commander, Lord Nelson. It is guarded by four huge lions at the base. All the tourists climb all over the lions. And they say the British are uptight and formal. Well, I don’t think we could climb all over those lions if they were in America. 
The only other animals in the square are the pigeons and, boy, there sure were a lot of them. Let’s not even talk about the mess they make.
Not far away is another big landmark, Picadilly Circus.
No it not a circus like you may think. Remember, they use a lot of funny (to us anyway) words. Circus just means a circle, a traffic circle in this case. So to visit it you have to cross a bunch of lanes of traffic. Oh, oh! You might want to be safe and just see the sites from one of those double-decker buses in the picture.
There are lots and lots of buildings and museums to see in the city. I visited many of them. They were all well and good, but I sure got hungry with all the walking and jumping out of the way of the cabs.
Now besides the weather, England is not exactly known for their great food. I must say I got better food in other countries but it wasn’t bad. My second favorite food was their justly famous fish and chips. I bet you can figure out what we call chips. They usually serve it in a cone of used newspaper and doused with malt vinegar. It was tremendous. And about the only cheap thing around.
Now you know that I am a big breakfast eater. I mean B I G. But the folk in that part of the world put me to shame. Their breakfasts are incredible. Since they also call it a “fry up,” you know there is going to be a lot of grease. Anyway you get eggs, sausage, bacon, baked beans, fried tomatoes and mushrooms, toast, and—if you are lucky—black or white pudding. The last thing is a concoction made from oatmeal. If it has blood it is black; if made without blood, it is white. Yum, yum, yum. 
Now you hear the word tea a lot. Tea means a lot of things there, and not just hot tea and iced tea. No, tea is the beverage. It is also an afternoon meal, a little bit like our supper. So when an English man or woman asks you if you want some tea, you just might get a lot of tasty treats. So be sure to say yes.
Now, my absolute favorite thing is English high tea. Like their breakfasts, it is a big deal. You start off with a pot of freshly brewed tea. No tea bags here—you have to use a little strainer to catch the leaves when you pour.
Then come dainty little sandwich with their crusts cut off. Then there are the scones, wonderful sweet little cakes, served with clotted cream and fruit jam. Did I saw sweet? The next course is the sweet one. It consists of incredibly fattening pastries. All this is washed down with lots of tea. (You can even get a glass of champagne if you aren’t worried about crossing the streets later.) Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Well, I guess you heard enough about food. (You are probably still gagging from the black pudding.) We won’t even talk about the pubs—that’s tavern in American English. They are serious drinkers and partiers there. And we won’t explore football—or soccer for us. Another book.
Hey, I remember another song from my childhood about London. I am sure you know it too. It goes like this
London Bridge is falling down,Falling down, falling down.London Bridge is falling down,My fair lady!
Did you know that those lyrics were true? The bridge was in very bad repair and too small for the volume of traffic crossing it daily. So the city put it up for sale in 1968. It was bought by an American, completely disassembled, and put back up out in the desert in Arizona. So it no longer carries people and cars over the River Thames (that is pronounced Tems for some unknown reason). It gets people out of a big resort so they can go fishing in Lake Havasu. Incredible.
Enough of England. 
Let’s go north to Scotland. A lot of my ancestors, and yours too, came from there. It is a beautiful country, and we might wonder why they ever left it. The language spoken there is REALLY difficult to understand—but since they grew up speaking it that should not have been a problem. And the weather…well, we covered that.
Maybe the men were fed up with wearing kilts and listening to Scottish ballads and the bagpipe. Maybe they wanted to come to America to wear blue jeans and listen to rock-and-roll.
Actually, it used to be a very poor country and there were not any jobs. The people really suffered, and they made a better life in the United States. There is certainly more room here for these big men.
I just love the kilt, you know. I bought my kilt in Glasgow on my trip. I was lucky to find a used one that fit me so I didn’t have to wait to get it made. I like all the stuff that goes with it too. Unfortunately, I only get to dress up in my formal kilt attire once or twice a year. We should have more celebrations.
I also love Scottish songs and dancing. I did not get much of that on my trip unfortunately. But I had tea with all the fixings in a famous teashop, designed by a famous Scottish architect, Rennie Mackintosh. That was fun. And delicious. 
The capital city of Scotland is Edinburgh. It is a beautiful and exciting city, even if you are not in the market to buy a kilt. 
The city is dominated by a huge castle on an extinct volcano. (Even though my friend Liz is also Queen of Scotland, she does not live in this one. She has a huge castle and estate out in the countryside.) There are a lot of wonderful old buildings to visit also. There is a long road called the Royal Mile that goes from the castle to the wonderful ruins of Holyrood Abbey.
So much to do, so little time. It is like that with every vacation. But I could not come to Scotland and not eat some haggis. Now, haggis is made from pieces of cow, pig, or sheep, that you might be tempted to throw away. Please don’t because they can be very tasty. Those bits are boiled together with onions and oatmeal and some other things in a sheep’s stomach for a few hours. You have to stab it with a dirk—I mean a knife—to get to the delicious haggis.
It tastes a lot like chopped liver. Great! 
I didn’t get to the Highlands on this trip. That is a different world far away from city life. Lots of green mountains and lochs—that’s Scottish for lake. Life seems to be slower there.
SCOTTISH HIGHLAND COW
I also did not get to see the famous Highland cows. But maybe that would have been too much. I shall save them for another trip.
Scotland has so much more to see and experience. Boy I think I might have to make another trip there soon.
It was fun to be in busy city. I must say that everything they say about the weather over there is true.
Don’t fret if you don’t take your sunscreen. But you might want to take your macintosh—oops, I mean your raincoat.I n the middle of London is Trafalgar Square. This refers to a famous naval battle of 1805
where the British defeated Napoleon’s navy. The tall column in the center is dedicated to the victorious commander, Lord Nelson. It is guarded by four huge lions at the base. All the tourists climb all over the lions. And they say the British are uptight and formal. Well, I don’t think we could climb all over those lions if they were in America. 
The only other animals in the square are the pigeons and, boy, there sure were a lot of them. Let’s not even talk about the mess they make.
Not far away is another big landmark, Picadilly Circus.
No it not a circus like you may think. Remember, they use a lot of funny (to us anyway) words. Circus just means a circle, a traffic circle in this case. So to visit it you have to cross a bunch of lanes of traffic. Oh, oh! You might want to be safe and just see the sites from one of those double-decker buses in the picture.There are lots and lots of buildings and museums to see in the city. I visited many of them. They were all well and good, but I sure got hungry with all the walking and jumping out of the way of the cabs.
Now besides the weather, England is not exactly known for their great food. I must say I got better food in other countries but it wasn’t bad. My second favorite food was their justly famous fish and chips. I bet you can figure out what we call chips. They usually serve it in a cone of used newspaper and doused with malt vinegar. It was tremendous. And about the only cheap thing around.
Now you know that I am a big breakfast eater. I mean B I G. But the folk in that part of the world put me to shame. Their breakfasts are incredible. Since they also call it a “fry up,” you know there is going to be a lot of grease. Anyway you get eggs, sausage, bacon, baked beans, fried tomatoes and mushrooms, toast, and—if you are lucky—black or white pudding. The last thing is a concoction made from oatmeal. If it has blood it is black; if made without blood, it is white. Yum, yum, yum. 
Now you hear the word tea a lot. Tea means a lot of things there, and not just hot tea and iced tea. No, tea is the beverage. It is also an afternoon meal, a little bit like our supper. So when an English man or woman asks you if you want some tea, you just might get a lot of tasty treats. So be sure to say yes.
Now, my absolute favorite thing is English high tea. Like their breakfasts, it is a big deal. You start off with a pot of freshly brewed tea. No tea bags here—you have to use a little strainer to catch the leaves when you pour.
Then come dainty little sandwich with their crusts cut off. Then there are the scones, wonderful sweet little cakes, served with clotted cream and fruit jam. Did I saw sweet? The next course is the sweet one. It consists of incredibly fattening pastries. All this is washed down with lots of tea. (You can even get a glass of champagne if you aren’t worried about crossing the streets later.) Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.Well, I guess you heard enough about food. (You are probably still gagging from the black pudding.) We won’t even talk about the pubs—that’s tavern in American English. They are serious drinkers and partiers there. And we won’t explore football—or soccer for us. Another book.
Hey, I remember another song from my childhood about London. I am sure you know it too. It goes like this
London Bridge is falling down,Falling down, falling down.London Bridge is falling down,My fair lady!
Did you know that those lyrics were true? The bridge was in very bad repair and too small for the volume of traffic crossing it daily. So the city put it up for sale in 1968. It was bought by an American, completely disassembled, and put back up out in the desert in Arizona. So it no longer carries people and cars over the River Thames (that is pronounced Tems for some unknown reason). It gets people out of a big resort so they can go fishing in Lake Havasu. Incredible.
Enough of England. 
Let’s go north to Scotland. A lot of my ancestors, and yours too, came from there. It is a beautiful country, and we might wonder why they ever left it. The language spoken there is REALLY difficult to understand—but since they grew up speaking it that should not have been a problem. And the weather…well, we covered that.Maybe the men were fed up with wearing kilts and listening to Scottish ballads and the bagpipe. Maybe they wanted to come to America to wear blue jeans and listen to rock-and-roll.
Actually, it used to be a very poor country and there were not any jobs. The people really suffered, and they made a better life in the United States. There is certainly more room here for these big men.
I just love the kilt, you know. I bought my kilt in Glasgow on my trip. I was lucky to find a used one that fit me so I didn’t have to wait to get it made. I like all the stuff that goes with it too. Unfortunately, I only get to dress up in my formal kilt attire once or twice a year. We should have more celebrations. 
I also love Scottish songs and dancing. I did not get much of that on my trip unfortunately. But I had tea with all the fixings in a famous teashop, designed by a famous Scottish architect, Rennie Mackintosh. That was fun. And delicious. 
The capital city of Scotland is Edinburgh. It is a beautiful and exciting city, even if you are not in the market to buy a kilt. 
The city is dominated by a huge castle on an extinct volcano. (Even though my friend Liz is also Queen of Scotland, she does not live in this one. She has a huge castle and estate out in the countryside.) There are a lot of wonderful old buildings to visit also. There is a long road called the Royal Mile that goes from the castle to the wonderful ruins of Holyrood Abbey.So much to do, so little time. It is like that with every vacation. But I could not come to Scotland and not eat some haggis. Now, haggis is made from pieces of cow, pig, or sheep, that you might be tempted to throw away. Please don’t because they can be very tasty. Those bits are boiled together with onions and oatmeal and some other things in a sheep’s stomach for a few hours. You have to stab it with a dirk—I mean a knife—to get to the delicious haggis.
It tastes a lot like chopped liver. Great! 
I didn’t get to the Highlands on this trip. That is a different world far away from city life. Lots of green mountains and lochs—that’s Scottish for lake. Life seems to be slower there.
SCOTTISH HIGHLAND COWI also did not get to see the famous Highland cows. But maybe that would have been too much. I shall save them for another trip.
Scotland has so much more to see and experience. Boy I think I might have to make another trip there soon.
